After The Harvest

After The Harvest

August 26, 2018

     Mike's Harvest Day has come and gone. We have been home in Show Low for over a week now. We arrived on a wet, cool night. It had been raining all day. It seems that we have been given the gift of cool, wet days ever since then! It has been wonderful to be home, in order for him to rebuild and prepare for his transplant. We return in four days to begin the process.
      Our emotions continue to be all over the map. We feel good about his success, yet we despise the long process to get there. We feel so thankful for modern medicine, yet somedays we still want to be in England. In short, we are a mess on most days. I am embarrassed to write this, but it is what we are up to. I try my best to look outside my world and see what other people are going through. I would always be on the lookout at the hospital for an opportunity to meet caregivers of other patients. This is hard to do as all doors are closed and most caregivers spend 90% of the day in the rooms of the patients. I want to dig; to know their story; to know how they are coping. So often, I hear sad stories and feel that Mike and I are so much better off. He has a chance. Some of these folks I have met don't.
      I feel guilty that I am so restless, so anxious to get this behind us. It makes me feel ungrateful for all our blessings. I just read today a quote:

            "What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd known it sooner".....anon

Am I always looking beyond? Somedays I think I am. I want to learn to live in the moment and remember that Heavenly Father truly is in charge. I want to turn this over to him every minute of everyday. I don't want to look back and think I squandered this growing time because I couldn't handle the growing pains.  So, for now, that's my rant. Do I feel better? Well, maybe.